Shattered Hopes
by icy-piyo21
Summary: Alfred and Matthew fell in love with each other. But apparently neither Francis nor Arthur allow incest... A story of two star-crossed brothers-also-lovers, based on the song Magnet from Vocaloid. R&R pls! EDIT: "Wishes in A Bottle" is the sequel!


-A/N: The ones in _**this font **_is the lyrics. In this font, it is America speaking. And in _this font_, it is Canada speaking, while _this font_ indicates that they're thinking the same thing.. In this story, America and Canada are twins. I've also used human names in here. Oh, and I've used the English translation for Magnet, Vocaloid. Enjoy this small fic, and do comment/review for this!-

In case you don't know:

Arthur Kirkland = England  
Alfred F. Jones = America  
Matthew Williams = Canada  
Francis Bonnefoy= France

Okay, I'll quit rambling! Enjoy!

_**

* * *

A slender flame burns at the edge of my heart**__**  
**__**Without warning, it spreads into a burning passion**_

I remember that day very clearly. It was a bright day in London. The sun shone brightly, the birds were chirping, the skies a lovely shade of blue. And somewhere in the Kirkland residence, I waited impatiently, waiting for you. Arthur had promised to introduce you to me, and I'm impatient, eager to meet a new friend,or more precisely, my twin brother.

I still could hear the car pulling in front of the driveway, and I was so eager to know you've arrived.

I hastily opened the door to reveal Francis... But you were hiding behind him.

France motioned for you to come out, but you wouldn't even budge. So I made the first move.

"Hi, I'm Alfred F Jones! And the heroic me is the nation of America!"

Your small trembling form peeked out from Francis' back. You introduced yourself shyly, shutting your eyes.

"_H-hi, my n-name's Matthew... I'm the n-nation of Canada..."_

And the subtle fire of curiosity had morphed into a full-blown blaze of awe.

I was mesmerised by your face, mirroring mine in every aspect . And when you opened your eyes, I saw the most stunning violet eyes, a difference from my baby blue ones. And your ahoge... Yours is a wild curl, while mine is a stubborn cowlick. You were holding a really cute polar bear, despite it saying "who" all the time...

"We're gonna be great brothers!" I said to you.

But why... do I feel a weird feeling? Somehow, it is warm... And fuzzy...

_**My butterfly, flitting around it chaotically**__**  
**__**Scales dropping into your hand**_

_I was really nervous on that day. Papa Francis had told me he'd introduce me to my new brother. I remember thinking that you wouldn't like me. But we got there eventually._

_And all at once, an exuberant voice greeted me._

"Hi, I'm Alfred F. Jones! And the heroic me is the nation of America!"

_I dared myself to peek out, and as I did, I shut my eyes, and stammered an introduction of my own._

"_H-Hi, my n-name's Matthew... I'm the n-nation of Canada..."_

_And when I opened my eyes, I saw a perfect reflection of myself, save for the sparkling baby blue eyes, a contrast to my violet eyes. And he had a cowlick instead of a long unruly strand of curly hair._

_And all at once, butterflies started working their way around my tummy, flitting about..._

_I wonder why?__**  
**_

_**I am wrapped around your finger from the lips to the tongue**_

_**Even if this is something that cannot be allowed the flames jump higher still**__**  
**_

As we grew older, I realised that this feeling I had isn't just brotherly love. I kept stuttering around you, and hearing your laugh made me weak at the knees. The heroic me can't stutter and go weak, let alone blush! You had me completely wrapped around your finger. Is it... No, it can't be...

_As I got to know you better with time, the butterflies just wouldn't leave. It was as if they had decided to stay there and fly about everytime I see you. Your smile made me feel like I'm flying, and I know this isn't just simple adoration... Being around papa Francis made sure of that. Am I..._

_Am I in love with you? But then... It'll be incest! They'll kill us if they find out!_

_Even so... Why is this feeling growing stronger?_

_**I want to embrace you, I want you to tell me**__**  
**__**That you don't think this is a mistake**_

_One night, I dared myself to tell you, to get this over and done with._

"_Alfred, we need to talk."_

"Ah, Mattie, what is it?"

"_Please, I need you to know."_

_With that, I dragged you off to a room._

"_Alfred... I..." And then I started tearing up._

"Mattie, is everything alright?" _You_ _asked me, with a hint of worry in your eyes._

"_D-Do you believe that incest is w-wrong?" I choked on my words._

"No... Not at all.. Why do you ask?" _Those eyes, those same eyes which made me weak at the knees.._

"_Because...I... I love you, Alfred.. Not as a brother... But... as a lover..."_

_With that, I hugged you tight, squeezing the life out of you. And then... you just kissed me on the lips._

_After breaking apart, I told you the next important thing, one that you had to go by at all times._

"_Please, I want you to keep this among us... I.. I don't want papa Francis and Arthur to know..."_

_**I want you to kiss me, I want you to remake me**__**  
**__**I want to drown in this moment of captivation**__**  
**_

"_Alfred, we need to talk."_

When you said those words, I knew you meant business. And being the awesome hero I am, I followed you. After all, what's a hero if they don't fulfill their client's wishes?

You dragged me to a room, and just started crying. And I decided that being the hero I am, I'd check on you! Well, I really was worried, honest!

"Mattie, is everything alright?" I asked you.

"_D-do you believe that incest is w-wrong?" _

How could I... when I'm blindly in love with you?

"No...Not at all... Why do you ask?" I asked you, hoping that you'd return my feelings to you.

And you said it.

"_Because...I... I love you, Alfred.. Not as a brother... But... as a lover..."_

Then, you just hugged me, just like that. And I just stood there, stock still, but then I returned it anyway. And with that, I kissed you on the lips.

I was so happy. I just wanted to immerse myself in this feeling. But after we pulled apart, you said the cold, hard truth. Painful, if I may add.

"_Please, I want you to keep this among us... I.. I don't want papa Francis and Arthur to know..."_

Yup. Cause if ol' man Arthur and France-pants found out, we're dead. Not literally, but yeah.

_Now what are we going to do?_

_**Every moment, it's harder to restrain myself**__**  
**__**If this is love, I want to wear it on my sleeve**__**  
**_

Ever since that day, I find it hard to listen to Germany during the G8 meetings ( not that I ever do, but seriously, I even find it hard to make 'stupid retorts' as how Iggy puts it), not with you at the other end of the table. Now, I find it hard to turn my stare away from you, without thinking all the things I could do to you... And hiding it from France-pants is even harder, since he knows how to spot the subtlest of love signs. Maybe luck, maybe chance, he never did notice. And our incestuous (backstreet) relationship continued, without any of the other nations realising. Oh, how I wish you were something wearable, like a pin or badge.. then maybe I can attach you to my sleeve and touch you as I please. (But maybe then we wouldn't be in love with each other, would we?)

_**The "strange feeling" turns into an unbearable longing**__**  
**__**I would follow you to the end of forever**_

_Ever since the day I confessed, things get harder. I tried to not think about you, but it just makes me miserable... And before long, it turned into an unbearable feeling. I couldn't bear to stay away from you, even if it was only for a day. (I wonder what would be of me if it were a week.). If I could, I'd follow you everywhere, even to the end of the world, to the end of forever._

_**If my heart goes astray I w**__**ill**__** be easily relieved**__**  
**__**as if w**__**e had no time to feel**__**each other**__** tenderly**_

_If only we can touch each other. If only we can act like lovers. Then probably... we wouldn't be stuck in such a predicament._

_**That dream has never come again**__**  
**__**There is no chance in our reality**__**  
**_

_There would never, ever be a way for us to kiss each other and do affectionate gestures in public. Not even a loving stare, since papa France would see it right away. I really wanted to tell him how much I loved him, but that is all a mere dream. I.. I guess there's no possible words to describe how badly I want this... But again, it is just a dream._

_**If we touch, I know we can never go back and that's just fine...**__**  
**__**You are everything in the world to me**_

I really, really want to make love with him... But he's afraid.

"_What if we can't go back, Alfred? What if we'll just get further into trouble?"_

I looked at him with a determined stare.

"You mean the world to me, and I don't give a damn about later. Screw whatever's going to happen. I love you, and I will show you."_**  
**_

And with that, I sealed all other possible protests with a kiss.

_**Anxiety arrives with the dawn to find me still crying  
**__**When you whispered "it's a**__**l**__**right" did I hear tears in your voice, too?**_

_I woke up with a start. Dawn was obviously coming round the bend, as the skies were glowing with an red-tinted orange glow. The next thing I registered was that I was naked. And as I looked down towards my body, I saw those marks, a reminder of last night. As the events from last night replayed in my mind, fresh tears flowed from my eyes.I started to worry about what might happen to us, since we already took it this far. And without realising it, I started sobbing quietly._

_My sobs woke you up. _"Mattie, what is it? Oh God, Matt did it hurt that bad? Are you alright? Was I too rough? God, Matthew, I'm sorry..."

"_No... no, it isn't that... Al, we... we did it... what's going to happen to us, now?" _

"Matthew, I... It's alright, everything's gonna be okay...God, I'm sorry I forced you into this..."

"_I didn't say I didn't want it... It's just... I... what will be of us?"_

"Nothing... we'll just stay like this.. It isn't going to change anything..." _You reassured me with the best of your abilities, I know that._

_But why was your reassurance laced with tears?_

_**I want to embrace you, I want you to tell me**__**  
**__**That you don't think this is a mistake**_

"_Al, we... we did it... what's going to happen to us, now?" _

My heart broke after you said that. Did you really hated it that bad? I thought I was doing pretty awesome!

"_I didn't say I didn't want it... It's just... I... what will be of us?"_

I could only reassure you with empty words. I know it isn't going to be okay. I really want to hug you, to just wash away all your worries... But I could only cry, too.

"You don't think this is a mistake, right? Tell me that this isn't.. We both wanted it... right?"

_**I want you to kiss me, I want you to remake me**__**  
**__**I want to drown in this moment of captivation**_

"You don't think this is a mistake, right? Tell me that this isn't.. We both wanted it... right?"

_Alfred... did you think I thought it was a mistake? _

"_No... I never said that... I was just... scared, I guess..."_

"How can I let you know that youdo want this?"

"_Kiss me, tell me you do mean it..."_

_As your tongue coaxed mine out to dance with yours, I felt secure. I really wanted to stay like this forever, to stay with you, to be in your arms..._

_Sensing the need for air, we broke apart._

"Now do you know how much I meant this?"

"_Yes... Alfred, yes..."_

_You then pulled me near you, and we both lay down again in the bed. Just like when we were younger, just like those times when you watched a horror movie and I had to comfort you, playing with your blonde locks and humming you lullabies...Only now, it's the other way around. You were stroking my hair, humming the lullaby I used to sing to you. And this isn't a movie. This... is a reality._

_**I am drawn to you like a magnet**__**  
**__**Even if I left, we would find each other again**__**  
**__**I've touched you, I can never go back and that's just fine.**_

I slumped dejectedly on the couch, my things neatly packed in front of me, on the floor. Matthew was on the mouth of the kitchen door, and he wasn't any happier.

"_When will your cab get here?"_

"In about 15 minutes, Matt."

Francis had found out about our relationship. Apparently he caught us making out in a hall we thought was empty. It turned out that he had been having doubts about us, and he was waiting for a time where he could prove it. Immediately after he found out, he sent me back to America, and I was not allowed to go to Canada. Even if I did, I had to go with someone else. Never again can we have our own private time, never again can we touch or make love with each other. And now, here I was waiting for my cab to take me to the airport.

"Sorry... shouldn't have done that..."

"_No, I-I wanted that.."_

"Matt, even if we're far apart, it's okay. I'll find a way to get back to you, I promise."

"_P-pinky swear?" _Just like when we were kids, swearing that we'd share a toy.  
Now, we swear for something even more than a toy, it's our love.

"Pinky swear, Matt. I-I love you." I choked out, and held out my pinky.

You did the same, and you were also crying.

"Nothing's gonna tear us apart, Matt.. Not even France-pants...Or Iggy. I've did it with you, our bonds are stronger than anything else... We're never backing down, we're still in this relationship... Only the distance makes a difference now..." I laughed bitterly

And we spent the last minutes together crying and hugging each other.

As I heard the cab pull over in front of your house, I kissed you one last time. If the kiss we used to share was the one filled with need, want, lust and love, now it's just filled with love, peppered with sadness and apologies and laced with longing on the seams.

"Th-the cab's here, Matt. I... I have to go..."

As I closed the door behind me, I heard you sobbing, choking out a sentence almost impossible to hear, yet I caught it anyway.

"_Alfred... I-I love you, too... Don't go..." _

But I had to. I'm sorry, Matthew. I know I'm not exactly your hero, I made you broken, I made you cry... But at least I know that you love me, and I guess that's all that matters now...

Good-bye, Matthew.

_As Alfred closed the door, I collapsed into a heap of mess, crying and staining the carpet with my tears._

As the cab pulled away from the house I used to share, I can't stop the tears that flowed freely down my eyes.

_I needed him, wanted him in my life again._

I wanted him back, his presence is vital for my sanity.

_I wish I can turn back time._

_I wish we can run away, escape from this crazy world._

_Whatever happens then wouldn't really matter. As long as I can have you by my side._

_You are my brother, my lover._

_**You are everything in the world to me**__**...**_

~End~

* * *

Well, how was that? Reviews are very much loved! Please let me know how you liked this!

~IF09

**EDIT: I'm doing a companion-somewhat-sequel to this fic! It's about America reminiscing abou the old days with Canada! Do check it out!**


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